Gasping for Air

I can’t catch my breath.

I gasp for air.
My eyes are glassy
As they fill with tears.
It is so lonely here
Surrounded by fear
The only sound I hear
Is me gasping for air.

Sweet Dreams

I need you here.
You said, "Soon my dear".
Then wished me, "Sweet Dreams"
So much more than it seems.
Holding the words near,
Drifting to sleep, releasing my fears.

Just My Name

It was unexpected, out of the blue
My name slipped off your tongue and caught me by surprise.
I loved the way it sounded, so personal, so true.
It felt loving, sensual, filled with meaning.
It's just my name.

Miss You Already

I review every inch of your body.

Your smile, your hands, your eyes.

My heart aches for you already.

My pain silently cries.

Always there, always haunting,

Spinning out of control.

The solemn sound of my wanting

Saturating my soul.

My thoughts of you never lost

Twisted, knotted, confined

Despair, confusion, and chaos

Intermingle, invading my shrine.

Riding the waves, scared and numb,

Holding fast and steady.

Knowing the worse is yet to come,

Because I miss you already.

Dreams

When the phone rings, I hope its you
but I tell my self its not true
but when I hear you breathing
my heart stops beating...
and I smile.

I can't think of any thing but you
I long for your touch and dream of your kiss...
when we are not together you're the only thing I miss
How happy you make me feel
It seems too real

but the reality is just a moment in our lives
that will mean nothing more than lies
sometime down the road as our hearts cry out for more
only nothing is there ...not like before.
Our reality is not what it seems
What we feel is only real in our dreams.

Denial

I am reading your poem,

And I ask myself why?

You are in love

Yet you try to deny.

Your writing is clearly

Unveiling your soul

You can’t run or hide

Your prose always knows.

I see it, it’s true

You try and pretend

That it doesn’t exist

And will come to end

You don’t want to admit

That you’ve fallen in love

You think it’s a weakness

A character flaw

You can’t let yourself

Be honest and true

For fear of the pain

That he doesn’t love you.

Truth

You see the truth
That others can't see
But I'm afraid of the truth
And what it will mean.

Fear of what's unknown
An end to my dreams
my plans shredded to pieces
For all to see.

Fear of hurting those
I love the most
And revealing to all
My beliefs are mere ghosts.

To you, the truth,
I cannot deny
But to hold on by a thread
To myself, I must lie.

At What Cost

The feeling overwhelms me
It seeps into my soul
The warmth envelops me
It makes me feel whole.

I've never felt anything
like this before
It makes my legs shake
And makes my heart soar.

My body naked and limp
Exhausted and sore
I smile sweetly
Hoping for more

Hoping this feeling
Will last for a while
His touch on my skin
causing my smile

But no, it won't last
Life must go on
Reality sets in
And the smile is gone.

When we part
The happiness wanes
Like the sun in the sky
When it's started to rain.

The sorrow sweeps over
I find myself lost
As I think of what could be
But at what cost.

My World

Crashing, smashing, tumbling down
Chaos and debris all around.
The wounded and damaged can't be found
Curled up and crying, they don't make a sound.

My World is caving, I'm beginning to drown.
I'm lost as the pain in my head starts to pound.
Buried beneath, I look all around
Silently screaming, not making a sound.

Sadness

The sadness overwhelms
As her body shakes
She wishes she could erase
All the past mistakes.

And clear her mind
Of memories gone bad
Remember the good ones
As the only ones they had.

Where did it all go wrong?
How did all fade away?
The life and love they shared
Was always meant to stay.

She wishes it were different
They could go back in time
To a time when hearts were pure
To a place where love is blind.

Spade

It is what it is
Call it that way
A spade is a spade
No matter what game you play.

Think about what you are doing
Said Miss Kettle to Miss Pot
Stop lieing to yourself
Pretending that it's not.

Dare I say the word?
A whisper off the tongue.
There, I said it.
No longer can I run.

What have I lost?
It still remains the same,
No matter what you call it
A rose is still a rose, by any other name.

My life has taken
many unexpected turns.
Always moving forward
Not able to return.

Lost

I wish you were here to make me laugh 'til I cry.
To call me out when I lie to myself.
I wish I could hug you and cry on your shoulder.
Just the sound of your voice lifts the weight of the boulder-
holding me down, suffocating me.
I am unable to breathe, trapped and unable to leave.
I don't know where to go or which way to head,
I am lost and confused, motionless instead.

I wish things were different, but I'm tired of trying
to get back what was, I'd only be lieing.
If I go back, will it be the same?
I'm afraid it won't be like it was again-
We are not the same people, we both have changed.
Or am I'm afraid that it will be the same?
And that it's no longer enough to sustain-
my desires and needs. I'm afraid of everything the future could bring.

So here I am frozen in time
Not sure if I can make the climb or if I'll fall behind.
Afraid to move ahead for fear of being misled
to something different, or instead
to something we once had.

I'm tainted now and want so much more
Than I ever did before.
I can't stop wanting him. It doesn't make sense.
I can't focus on my life. I am a total mess, so lonely and depressed.
How did this happen, who's to blame
Am falling in love? I'm completely insane.

I am lost and confused
I've been misled and misused.
I doubt I'll get out unscathed and unbruised.
I wish you were here, without a doubt
to help me find my way out.

Dumping Ground

It would be nice if you shared with me, things other than your stress.
I only hear from you when you are under duress.
We don't laugh or talk about anything funny
We only discuss the kids and the money.
We don't make love or hug or kiss
These are things that I really miss.
I'd listen to your worries and pain
If you talked to me other than just to complain.
I'd be happy to listen as you share your turmoil
If you listened to mine once in a while.
I'd listen to every word every sound
But please don't make me your dumping ground.

Honesty is a Lie

Honesty is the best policy, so they say.
But it's all a mirage leading you astray.
When you are honest and share how you  feel,
Anger, hurt, and resentment reveal.

I'm intolerant you say.
It's not your fault you're this way.
I should just accept it and let it lay.
You blame everything under the sun,
It can't be helped, you've become a victim.

Every time you claim it's not your fault,
You bring hope of resolution to a halt.
What good comes from honesty
When we refuse to believe
We don't have control or accountability.

So does  honesty really identify root cause,
Or is it a band aid, some tape and some gauze?
That covers our wounds our heartache and pain,
And feels like we've nothing to lose again?

But once we are honest, we can't take it back
It's out in the open awaiting attack.
I've learned this today and I'll never deny
Honesty is the best policy is only a Lie.

Sophia

The conversation we had this time felt more than shooting the breeze.
It felt more than meaningless small talk in between our activity.
We talked about life and death and other serious things;
You made a comment about our parting last time and being worried about me.
You lingered even though...I said it's time to go.
And even then, you still wanted me.

Unknown

I think about you all the time
You are always on my mind.
I yearn for you each day,
Wishing we were not away
from each other for so long.
I don't know why it feels so wrong.
I'm venturing into the unknown
where I should never have gone
But here I find myself
Between a rock and a hard place,
Needing you all to myself.
It can't be, will never be.
So why do we dare,
Yet we are aware
Still, we choose not to see.

How Sweet

How sweet it would be
If I could run away
just for a day
and be somebody....
anybody other than me.

How sweet it would be
to laugh and feel
and layer by layer, to peel-
to strip away the surreal
existence of responsibility.

How sweet it would be
If I could be just me
to laugh and dream and feel
to find my soul
beneath the hole,
of my reality.

Pretend

I pretend to be loved when I am with you.
I pretend to be wanted and beautiful too.

I pretend to be whole when I am with you.
I pretend to be safe and protected too.

When I am with you, I pretend I'm alive.
I pretend it's all real..Yet I know it's a lie.

Safe

Hold me in your arms, protect me.
Keep me safe and sheltered from reality.

Wrap your strong arms around me,
Whisper to me affectionately.

Hold me tight, make everything right;
Care for me completely and unselfishly .

I know it won't be for eternity.
But just for a moment, take care of me.

I Am

He wants me more than anything he's ever wanted.
I can see it in his eyes, feel it in his kiss.
He kisses me hard and long, devouring me.
He makes the decisions, he's in control.
My body, soft and supple, follows him,
eagerly anticipating his touch.
I don't think.  I just am.

Truthful

Agitated and annoyed.
The children start to cry. 
Frozen in my body, wishing I could die.
Passive aggressive undertones abound.
Just say what you want, admit what you've found.
Be honest with yourself, truthful with your soul.
Look your fears in the eye to make yourself whole.

Alone

I am all alone inside myself.
I am conflicted and confused.
It's never about me.
It's quiet and safe here.
Safe from others' reality and expectations.
If only It could be safe from me.

Used

"I don't know about you,
But I feel better than before.
"All the anger and resentment gone.
Wam bam thank you ma'am-
dressed and out the door.

But no, she didn'tfeel  better.
In fact she felt much worse.
As tears flowed around her,
Blurring the confusion and hurt.

Surrounded by her tears
In a puddle of sorrow.
She longed to curl into a ball
And hide from tomorrow.

Road Trip

We used to enjoy the Ride: You at the wheel, me by your side.
The breeze on our cheeks, the smell of the air
Taking in the scenery, we’d stop here and there.

The ride used to be all we desired
The destinations were extras, nothing required,
But, now it’s changed, and the road’s long and tired.

The destination is now the goal
What matters now is where we go.
Not how we got there, why, or when.
What matters now is where we end.

You can’t go without me
Nor leave me behind
I am still important
Because I’m your ride

You still love me, you still care,
But I’m just, the vehicle to get you there.

Peace Keeper

I hear a faint roar.
Anger is in the air.
My world begins to tremble,
defiance everywhere.
My insides start to swirl
like a whirlpool in the sea
as ghosts of what's to come
become reality .
I must go there
no turning back
as my instincts take over
to protect the Pack.
The fear wells up;
I try to intervene
the yelling that will endure
the misery of the scene.
My struggle to bear
will never cease
It's my life, my spirit
I must keep the peace.

A Mother's World

Dedication: This is dedicated a very special mother.

Tired of shouldering the burden
Tired of carrying the load
Tired of your needs always coming last,
Tired of laying the road.

Your feelings buried deep,
Keep your worries to yourself.
Bite you tongue when you can
Put others' needs first.

But who will take care of you
when unable to do what you do?
The load that you carry will fall to the side
your burdens will grow as time slips by.

Your responsibilities never fade
So you can get some rest
Time will never stand still
You must carry on your quest.

My Angel

Feeling helpless,
Not knowing what to do.
No need to worry though,
My angel's not taking me from you.


But keeps me from giving up long ago,
Hears me cry, listens to my soul.
Helps to fill the emptiness deep in me
To find myself beneath the layers of roles and responsibilities.


My Angel, I'm not alone,
My Angel, sharing my plight,
Wrapping her wings around me
Holding me tight.